We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
