i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
