Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
