Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
