we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize