I just saw a hot homeless man
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
