Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just had sex on a roof
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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