I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
