I think im going to throw up on grandma
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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