Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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