Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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