I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
