When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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