i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
