The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
