This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
