Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
