Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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