I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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