Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I could make wine with my vomit
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
