Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Houston, we have a blender
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
