If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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