Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
