I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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