i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
