garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
