I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
