did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You ruined the universe
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
