Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Vodka?
Forever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
