every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
