Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dick very happy bro
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
