help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
