I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
