I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
