I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
