I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
