I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
