Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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