You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
