i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
