We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
