sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
