He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
