Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I came so hard my ears popped.
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