Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
