I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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