I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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