I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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