If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize