last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
