I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
