At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
