You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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