I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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