dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
