Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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