Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
