That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
