i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize