If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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