I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
