A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
