They should really pass out barf bags in church
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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