Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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