shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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