Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
