she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
