cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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