if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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