hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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