Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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