you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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