Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
