I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
