I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
