k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
