My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
