The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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