So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
