That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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