let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
