I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
