If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
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