Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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