she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
