is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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