All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
