this beer tastes like vomit already
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
