Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
