So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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