im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
