i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
