very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
