I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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