My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
