he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
