i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize