she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize