6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
