gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
