ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We got so high we made milksteak
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
