On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
