the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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