"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
