when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
