I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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