The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
